i am back...
no one jio me for clubbing on sat.. how sad.. everyone read my blog but dun take action... wat kind of friends are you people man.. haiz
i think when i am alone.. it really makes me think alot.. my thoughts are damm scary.. once i start to think abt some bad or negative i will keep thinking it..
during my japan trip i had so much time to waste while travelling from one area to another.. i just plugged in my ipod, looking out the window and start thinking abt everything...

i felt like a big time loser... i think i am slowly becoming a failure.. i dunno if i am finding excuses for myself or am i just try to comfort myself.. i failed my module n i blame my lecturer for changing the exam papers questions cuz its not like the past yr papers.. i didnt get into nat team cuz i didnt train a month cuz i was sick for 2weeks and rushing for my final year report... but look on the other side.. i could have studies every single thing so that even my lecturer change n twist the questions i could have done it well... if i was more carefully with my health and did my final year report earlier i could have time for training.. well i am blaming on every little things..

i was thinking.. wat did i really achieve during my 20yrs.. i realise.. nothing.. but mistakes.. i am getting worse i think.. i really wasted my time taking biotech.. i should have really follow my heart to take media stuff instead of follow wat ppl said that lifesci will be great for ur future..

the first news i read when i came back was abt this jc kid commit sucide cuz he think that his dick is too small.. many ppl will just laugh n think he is stupid.. somehow i just really admire his courage to end his life just like that.. not many ppl are brave enough to face death.. i think there are times when i really feel like just ending my life but i am just afraid of death.. i cant imagine myself jumping off the building.. so i slap myself and telling myself to wake up n start being a loser...

well.. i just got myself a few resolution for this year..
i want to complete my last module with at least an A
i want to get my driving license asap
i want to win GOLD for IVP this year..

talking abt canoe polo.. i will put in all my effort to train n peak for this competition.. i think it will be my last competition.. due to ns and also cuz of my joints... my knees n ankles and my shoulder joints are in real bad shapes.. i might even end my sporting life soon... i guess i should change my pes status.. i tried to squat i felt pain in my knee.. thanks to snow ski.. i guess it good that i didnt get into nat team too.. i might just prevent someone who is truly more potential than me.. i guess i have no talent for this sports... but i will give in my very best for this sport, for this last competition..